if only...

papa went to see ah ma today. when he came home i asked him, "hey pa, how's ah ma?"

papa looks at me and says, "i think you all better go visit ah ma at the hospital. don't wait anymore. the doctor says she might go anytime. she's very weak."

sadness.

papa continues, "today i joked with her. ask her WA SI DI DIANG (WHO AM I in teochew)? she said in a low voice (her throat not in good condition cos of all the coughing, phlegm and so on), LEE MENG (my pa's name).Then she laid back exhausted. sad but there's nothing we can do. better go even though she cannot remember you all."


i very sad lei. when i see my ah ma, she cannot remember me but i remember all the times we spent together when i was a kido.

she would bring me out to places like the zoo, the market... i would hold her hand... talk to her. tell her that i love the texture of her skin because it was all wrinkly, smooth and soft. going to see her after work tomorrow at the hospital. hope that all will still be well even though i know that miracles only happen sometimes. don't want ah ma to suffer anymore anyway. i am just so torn between emotions. i think i've never told her i love her and i don't think i have the guts to tell her in person so i hope she can hear it in my heart. when i look at her, hope she can see it in my eyes. I LOVE YOU AH MA!!! take care please.